I miss you every day sweetface, nothing in life is beautiful any more because you are not there. It feels like all the joy and colour was sucked out of life and I don't know where it went. In the blink of an eye you were gone darling, how did this happen ? Mama thinks it's a mistake but I don't know who to talk to make it right. Now I have to sit and listen to let the past be in the past ? What does this mean little one ? You are not the past baby, you are still my little miss, I still love you very very much, I still worry about you. How can life go on if you are not in it ? Mama didn't sleep last night, I was wondering where you were baby, and I take care of Daisy every day until you come back, she misses you too, mommy sleeps next to her because you are not in bed with me. No one else seems to want to post on our website little one, mommy doesn't know why. Every day I cry, every day I talk to you, one second you were bouncing around my feet and the next second I was looking into cold green eyes, this isn't you baby, your eyes are blue :-( And I knew you left me sweetheart, when I bent down and my lips touched yours I knew you were gone, but where did you go ? Why did you go ? You know how much mama loves you, you are my everything and i tell you this all the time. This week it feels like you just left mama :-( why baby ? Sweetheart, i miss you, I keep seeing you dancing every where, I keep remembering what happened to you, I keep holding on to you, I keep moving your clothes around the house and looking at your things and I collect beautiful flowers for you almost every morning. (Except one or two days because it was raining too much). And I listen to people talking about crying and letting it all out and moving on ??????? last night I realized, there is no life without you in it, my life is over too sweetheart and every day I miss you another part of me dies. Mama thinks you either have to come back, because you love me and you know i love you, or mama has to go where you are. Sometimes mama gets very angry, and I try to keep quiet but if somebody keeps at it I explode, until I finally scream your name. How can this be ? Just the other day you were sitting on my lap, I was kissing your sweet face and you were holding on to me, trying to get a sip of my coffee, now ....... Ten years gone in the blink of an eye. How did this happen baby ? I can't understand, and I tried to in the beginning, but I can't now anymore. Ten years sweetheart of tears and laughter, pain and joy, brokeness and presents, school and summer days. Lazy saturday morning naps and you just kissing mama all the time, singing and dancing. I miss you sweetheart, and I miss telling you how much I love you, and I miss sleeping next to you and I miss your little arms around my neck, and nobody seems to understand that. Everyone is working on how to let go of the past, but you are not the past, how can I be here and you are not ? You have to come back sweetheart, luister my babakie, you have to come back to mommy :-(