Mommy misses you so much today baby. I have been looking at your pictures all day, and I can almost feel the excitement of collecting you from school, you dragging your little back pack, "slothing" to the car, I can feel my lips meeting yours. Halo baby, hoe was jou daggie ? and you would say "Lekker" or not good teacher said something. And then you would be thirsty "is dos" and I would either give you the milk shake I was hiding in the car or I would stop and get you something to drink. You would ask me "hoe was jou daggie lief, lekker go to work ?" And I would say "Yes sussie, lekker go to work, mami het jou net baie verlankie". I can almost smell your hair and I can see you sitting next to me. And this breaks my heart baby, because mommy gets all excited and then when I have to drive home I start crying because I know I will not be going to your school and you will not be getting into the car with me. I still cannot believe what happened baby face, mommy just has to talk about you day and night and show every one how beautiful you are. It's been raining for 5 days straight, ever since we moved the last of the stuff out of the house, I wonder baby if this is you, are you sad because we moved sweetheart ? I wish we had left allot earlier sweet thing, then you would be at school right now, and mommy would see you this afternoon, just like it used to be. Your brothers say they can see you in heaven and that they are happy for you, mommy is starting to see it too baby. I just miss kissing and holding you so much, I love you so much baby, mommy's hart feels numb, it feels like a rock in my chest, it doesn't get happy any more, or sad or scared or anything. Remember when I used to buy you a "pesent" and I would hide it, and then you see it and you are surprised and your beautiful face lights up, and your beautiful blue eyes go all wide and you start smiling that famous gorgeous smile, and you say "Liiiieeeef" and you like your present, and I ask, "do you like it baby ?" and you lift up your little hands and say "I love it". :-) o sweetie pie, I miss miss miss you today, I love love love love love you everyday. The new house is also quiet without you, and mommy feels as if you are comming home any second. I listen to your song often, Percy Sledge ' What am I living for. Remember I played it for you the first time and I said, "this song is just for you little one, special" and you listened and you liked it very much, and you asked "sit n liedjie harder, weer asb" and you listened again and again and you said "thank you mommy". And I asked if you really liked it, and you said "Yip" so cute. Mommy always knew the only reason I was living was for you and your brothers, more you, because you needed me more and mommy needed you allot. You are so perfect sweetheart, beautiful and perfect, perfect little "voeties", perfect little "finges", beautiful blue eyes, beautiful "tande uit", gorgeous blond hair, how I loved to play with it and try and french braid it. I miss packing your lunch at night, and in the morning Corne would get you juice. I miss sleeping next to you the most baby, remember I had to put a pillow infront of you so that I could put my arm around you ? It was becuase you were so small, I was afraid that my arm would be to heavy, so I held you and the pillow in front of you, and sometimes you would turn around and kiss me and put your little arm around my neck, and so we slept. Sometimes we would say good night to everything, good night Bonga, Good night Jade, Good night Daisy, Good night Mickey and Minney, Good night Barbie, Good night Moon, Good night teacher, good night daddy, good night ouma and oupa, good night Gavin, Good night Jesus, good night kittybol. And so you went on, sometimes mommy would pretend to be asleep because the list was endless and little baby girls needed their sleep too. Or you would sit and sleep on mommys lap and I would carry you to bed, and put you in bed and the pillow between your little knees and then you would smile so bright, tricked your mama, you werent sleeping after all, and I would tuck you in and kiss you , and you would say "Good night Lief, lekker slaap" or "where are you going lief, come sleep, is tired" and mommy would come sleep next to you. Watching you before you opened your eyes in the morning, kissing your little hands, sometimes your lips. Not kissing you when I had to go to work and you had to stay with your brothers at home, because I was scared you would cry and mommy did not like that. But sometimes you would wake up and ask, "Where are you going mama ?" I would say to work baby and you would say, "lief go to work ? oh ok" Baai lief, lekker go to work. Sweetheart, my perfect sweetheart angel, how mommy misses you. We set a place for you at the table every night, we pour juice for you and we talk about you all through dinner, and when we say our prayers we say "Please God, hug and kiss Michaela for us and please send our greetings" and then we are sure God will send these on to you baby. Sometimes we sit and wonder what wonderfull things you are doing and seeing in heaven. Mommy misses you today baby, mommy wants to see and kiss and hug you so much. We love you Little Miss :-*